Capacity, Value and Acceptance
The grief of this middle time and the surrender into aging is an ongoing story. I mentioned last week that I heard an elder speak about how she believes part of the reason our bodies break down is so we become less attached, so that by the time death arrives, we’re ready to leave this body behind.
But what occurs when we continue on with our attachment?
In yoga and Buddhist traditions, attachment is a recipe for suffering. I see this for myself as I move back and forth between acceptance and clinging to my old self.
Lately, part of my struggle is around capacity. I sort of joke (though, honestly, it’s TRUE) that I used to be able to fling ten balls in the air, make them spin and glitter, and not a one would drop or move without me perfectly placing it.
I mean, I was your gal that would get shit done!
These days, it feels like I’m lucky if three are staying up, and I probably threw five up and two fell or got misplaced.
And then I judge myself and feel like crap about it.
Just this week, I had a day where I literally had to lie down and sleep for two hours. I couldn’t stand it. I was crying about it, and so sad. Who am I without my outer accomplishments? Who am I if I say to someone, ‘yeah, I’ll be there’ or ‘yeah, I can do that’ and yet, I can’t really show up like I used to?
The question we then have to dig deeper into is– what does this all represent? What does it mean to be able to juggle and do and go and ‘produce’?
Nature is a patient and beautiful teacher. Monarch Lake, CO. Photo by Ron Michael Photography.
Part of it, at least for me, is that this “producing” and “being relied upon” is what culture taught me is my value. I also better look beautiful, not be too opinionated or aggressive, and stroke some male egos while I produce and produce and coddle and help and do as many things as I can (and make it look effortless, too).
We are not taught the value inherent in simply showing up and being.
This elder woman I’ve been referring to is actually a little bit famous and came to speak to a group I’m a part of. She’s someone who you’d say had “done something with her life.” (or maybe, I’d say that).
She had recently experienced a fall and broken her leg, and was in a wheelchair. She said she’d been needing help with just about everything, including getting into and out of the bathroom. However, she was in acceptance of help. She brought such joy and presence to being with us and speaking about her life’s experiences. She had practiced for this via meditation, and she was surrendered.
Just like there is an intelligence to the seasons in nature, there is an intelligence to our stages of life. Our bodies are LITERALLY rearranging themselves right now; just about every system in your body is affected by the hormones related to fertility, and moving from the fertility stage of life to the menopause stage.
And if you’re having trouble with this connection, consider back to the time you went through puberty, because that was the last time the body had to completely reset, and we all know that is not a smooth transition.
When we move from late summer into fall (like now in the Northern Hemisphere) the summer is still holding on a bit, and yet the days are shortening, and it’s not quite so hot (even if, like in Denver, that means it’s 90 and not 100 😜). The fall goes back and forth between the warmth and the cold, until it finally settles into itself.
Ayurveda constantly reminds us that we can learn from nature. We can’t go back; we can only move forward, and this huge shift (and aging itself) is a continuous opportunity to learn to cultivate compassion for ourselves and others, and, in doing so, deepen our acceptance for what is.
The more we can be with what is here now, the more peace we create in our hearts.